Yes you read correctly, I said dickheads. As in plural.

Once the choice word for my 15 year old self, this word has made its’ sneaky little way back into my vocabulary. Along with f*cker, but let’s not go there.

Dickheads, see you, are quite literally everywhere. If they’re not on the road doing 30 on a 60, then they’re in Sainsburys (we’re not posh enough around our parts to have a Waitrose), walking slowly around – usually right down the he middle of the aisle, so you can’t overtake them.

I have a problem with dickheads. A big whack off problem to be precise. They get in my way. Patience isn’t a virtue that was applied liberally to my being when God created me. I have to bite my tongue and not spill the contents of my mind, thereby verbally abusing them and running the risk of not getting banged up as a result.

Thick people, they come under the dickhead category too. I’m not talking about people who aren’t educated to a certain standard here, often they’re the ones with the common sense that educated people lack. I’m talking as a whole about ignorant gits.

Take the other day at nursery when some dickhead blocked me in as it was more convenient for her. I mean WTF? It’s 8am, it’s peak drop off and you want to block this mofo in? What are you, a dickhead? Yes you are and so, I told her. I mean you’re either thick or a dickhead to do that to someone at the best of times, however, with my short fuse, she should thank her lucky stars I didn’t key her car.

So it seems dickheads are everywhere.

Whether people are born dickheads or they acquire this behaviour, shit knows. In fact actually I’m lying; they’re born with this affliction. I know dickheads of all ages and it doesn’t matter if you’re 12 or 72, if you’re a dickhead, you’re a dickhead and nothing’s gonna change that.

I thank god everyday I wasn’t born one; because if I had been born one, I’d probably be the biggest dickhead around.