Childbirth. It’s not as bad as you think. Or so I was told.
I was terrified of giving birth; shitting bricks didn’t even come close. I’ve always been honest and open that it petrified me and that it was something I never felt the urge to do. It was so bad that I begged for a C-Sec, a big no, no when it comes to the medical profession (and my Physiotherapist Fiance too, who was worried about infection and damage to stomach muscles).
“Why do you want to be cut open?” I remember being asked by my Midwife. I could’ve punched her in the baby making oven at that moment. What the fuck? “Who the hell wants to be cut open at any time,” I was screaming in my head, but of course I didn’t say that, because I feared it’d trigger an argument and I wasn’t in the mood for shit at that point.
I’ve never thought any part of having a baby was ‘natural’. Even as a child pregnant women weirded me out and still to this day, I freak when near them. Having been pregnant you’d think I’d have come out the other side on some hippy trail singing the beauty. Er no. I’m still weirded out – especially when school friends get pregnant – it’s weird I know.
Anyway back to the whole giving birth thing. I was so grossed out by it (much to the amusement and also dismay of friends) – I mean it’s the most natural thing in the world, isn’t it? No, not it’s not in my opinion. So after a number of frustrating discussions with my Midwife, she referred me to a therapist. Great, let’s go through the whole sch-bang – again I thought. And I did. Finally after much to’ing and fro’ing on the medical professional’s front, they talked me into ‘trying’ a natural delivery. ‘Try’ I laughed, so what, half way through if I don’t like it, I can opt for a C-Sec eh? No love, it doesn’t quite work like that.
Well D Day arrived and I’ve never been so scared in my entire life. I remember being sat on the hospital bed alone, whilst Wayne had nipped to the loo before I was taken to my delivery suite and thinking “this is IT. Now or never”. No amount of people telling you, that you can do it, that’s natural or the one thing that drives me bat shit crazy, is being told that women have being doing it for thousands of years… (I literally wring the fuckers neck who says this to me), can prepare you for delivering your child.
I’m not going to tell you about my actual delivery as it was traumatic and we nearly lost our little darling, and although I’m happy to talk about it, I don’t wish to distress any prospective mother. I’m very lucky and I credit Wayne with getting me through it. Funny, caring and loving, Wayne knew his role in the delivery room as Team Coach. He took his role, so seriously that when we got to the pushing stage, the team of midwives laughed and told Coach to hold his horses, he could only give me the ok once they’d given him the ok!
Wayne knew how utterly terrified I was and not once did he regurgitate the usual crap everyone else was spouting. Nor did he belittle or humour me. He just listened and supported me and when you’re as petrified as I was, that’s all you need (and a lot of drugs!). This single person is what made childbirth nowhere near as bad as I thought it was going to be (apart from when at home, on tip toes trying to work through the pain and leant against our fireplace, Wayne asked what I wanted and I said to be left alone for a moment. I turned around a minute later to find him playing Champ Manager on his laptop. “What’re you doing?” I almost yelled – the only time I almost lost it with him, to face the reply of “You wanted to be left alone”. WRONG ANSWER. I wanted to be alone, but not if you catch my drift… ).
Yes, it hurts like hell, yes you feel like you’ve lost every ounce of your dignity, yes you’re frightened and you feel 5 again, but as long as you’ve someone who loves you and supports you in there with you (sprinkled with a little humour I must add), then trust me, coming from the world’s biggest scaredy cat, childbirth really won’t be as bad as you think.
It can’t be – I’m thinking of doing it all over again one day!