jen wayne

“Choosing Happiness. It’s simple. You can either choose to be happy or you choose to be a miserable bastard” – The BloggerBeeBee, 2015

Life can be hard and frankly, it can be crap too. But this is no excuse not to be happy. We’ve all had some crap times in our lives, times that we wish we could erase and pretend in our little filofax that’s our brain, that the event never took place, but life doesn’t occur in this idealistic way, unfortunately.

At 34, I  can truly say I’ve enjoyed a wonderful life. I’ve enjoyed the trappings of a loving and large family, friends who would move Heaven and Earth for me, a good career and more recently, the love of my husband to be and our wonderful little one year old, Harry aka the H bomb.

Life is good. It hasn’t always been this way. Having lost loved ones far too prematurely, I could easily mope around for the remainder of my life; full of nothing but anger, hatred and bitterness and ask the rhetorical question of ‘why?’ But I don’t. I choose not to, but rather, I choose happiness instead. Yes I have my moments, but you can’t wallow in your self-pity – life’s too short, too precious and in doing this, your harming those who you love and those who you’ve lost. Irreversible harm that can bring no good to you or those around you.

I lost my Mum a number of years ago, and everyday I miss her that little bit more. Sometimes it hurts so badly, I try not to think about her and then I realise, I’m harming myself and her memory by choosing to do this. Instead, I try to remember a happy time with her and pull out the picture I carry of her holding me as a baby; beaming into the camera with her first-born bundle of joy in her arms.

Every day I cover our little bundle of joy, the H-bomb, in kisses and cuddles and each day, I tell him how much I love him and how he fills Daddy and I’s life with joy, happiness and oodles of comedy. Should he lose me prematurely, I don’t want him to be filled with bitterness but with love, memories and a warm fuzzy feeling of how loved he was by Mummy. You may think that dying is the last thing on your mind, but when you’ve lost a parent prematurely, your own mortality and the implications when you have a little one, are constantly at the forefront of your mind.

So back to choosing happiness. Everyday I choose happiness. I choose to be happy, I choose not to be filled with hatred and bitterness. Let sadness and bitterness knock me from my perch, it simply gets the brush off and I ignore it because at the end of the day, those who don’t choose happiness can only choose the alternative and from where I stand, it looks a horrid place filled with nothing but loneliness.

The picture of me and my husband to be, for me, oozes happiness – if I could bottle it share, I would, for there’s no greater feeling than being happy. If you choose to change one thing about yourself, then choose happiness.