Yep you can hear me can’t you? I’m huffing, I’m puffing, I’m sighing and yes,I’m bloody well  rolling my eyes. Why, oh why I can hear you say? Well, we’re back round to the God damn Apprentice aren’t we.

I used to love this programme; until some knob end decided to turn a rather good reality show into a show full of fucktards. Yep, fucktards I said, you’ve not misread me here. Supposedly, these are the best business brains in the UK, all vying to be Lord Sugar’s apprentice.

But no, these are not the best of British let me tell you rather it’s a show full of narcissistic bell-ends who’re deluded beyond comprehension into absolutely believing they’re the next big thing, obsessed with making ‘their first million.’ They actually believe the shit that they spout; “Out of every 10 people I walk past on the street, I think I’m better looking than 9 of them” (Sanjay 2014),SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE IDIOTS SNIFFING?

“Lord Sugar might find me a bit gushing and over zealous, but he’ll think I’m great” (Ruth 2015). Really love? I dare bet Ruth he’ll liken you to diarrhoea and find you a humongous pain in the arse, at a quick guess.

Just why do these self obsessed, jumped up little shits feel the need to bestow an ego the size of a small country upon themselves? Why can’t they just have self belief without the arrogance and all that knob end behaviour that comes with it?

I’ll tell you why. It’s because people like Lord Sugar think they can bully people; they can climb to the top of their tree, literally shitting all over everyone as they climb it. So then of course you get the muppets of the business world who think they can emulate this behaviour.

Good luck knob heads, because in emulating this behaviour on national tv, you simply end up looking like a complete and utter fucktard – not a professional business person. And whilst you do your best to brown nose Lord Sugar or Alan as I prefer, be safe in the knowledge that anyone with even an ounce of intelligence wouldn’t even look at your CV never mind employ you. And the rest of us will sit back in our living rooms laughing at you. Dickheads.