I’ve been thinking about the past a lot recently (don’t worry I’m not suicidal as it does seem a little depressing having just re-read that).
I’m often told not to live in the past, but the present, but what people fail to understand is that my past and those that’re are a part of it, have shaped the present Jenny that you see today.
Today I am 36. I’m married (to an amazing chap who I thank God for every single day for sending to me) and Mummy to Harry – the light of my world and my heart. I am what you call ‘privileged’ to have been graced with these angels and I live a very happy and content life.
So recently I was thinking about my life and all the amazing people they’ve influenced me and it got me thinking about about all the things that as young girl I wanted to do. Working hard has enabled me to do a lot of things that I’ve always hankered after doing; I’m a grafter and I don’t believe anything should come for free, never assume you’re entitled to anything, work for it and work hard and you’ll reap the rewards. So I’m lucky (or I worked hard and gained the reward it I guess i could say).
Anyway, I’m going off on a tangent here, I was thinking about what I’d say to my younger self, if I could change things and here goes.
- The Spice Girls could totally pull of leopard print; Jenny your 16 year old being can’t. Ditch the leopard print girl, you’re never going to be Posh Spice.
- Say ‘fuck off’ way more.
- Say ‘no’ way more. Bollocks to being polite and trying to hold your tongue – just say no.
- Don’t do the degree you did because you think you’ll upset your Dad – upset him; he’ll get over it.
- Ask your Grandparents and Great Grandparents stuff. You only know them as ‘old’ or as ‘Nanny’ – what lives did they live before they became the person you saw them as.
- Dye that blonde hair; stop letting a hair colour dictate to you.
- Listen to the voice inside your head (I know some of you think I’m mental, I’m not trust me).
- Don’t date those knob ends (not all were knobs, but a good few were). Listen to your Dad when he says they’re a knob – they’re a knob.
- Drink more and don’t worry about your mouth running off on one after you’ve drank, afterall you’re just telling the truth.
- Move abroad – don’t be frightened about the ‘what ifs,’ you can always come home if you don’t like it.
- Be direct from a younger age; it hasn’t hindered you has it?
- Question everything. Nothing gained from acceptance.
- Step away from the blue eye shadow, you’re not in Abba Jenny.
- Maintain those friendships at all costs.
- Be proud, not arrogant – remember Jenny, there’s a fine line and you overstep it on occasion.
- Smile, don’t scowl so much. Your 36 year old self is cursing you for frowning so much and she’s not thankful for the prominent lines occurring as a result.
- Say thank you. A lot. It’s nice to be nice and appreciative.
- Don’t worry about being subtle as a brick. Embrace it.
- Don’t censor yourself.
- Let shit go. It’ll help you in the long run. Your 36 year old self is hating that all these later, you still harbour ill thoughts on what happened when you were 17.
- Give less fucks.
- Hug. Learn to make human contact from an earlier age – don’t be so stand offish.
- When someone tells you you’re intimidating, laugh at them – it’s their insecurity, not yours – refrain from excusing their behaviour like you do
- Find inner peace. Jenny that doesn’t mean get off your face on drugs, you’re too sensible for that, I mean, learn to be calmer quicker after you’ve been on one – trust me, it’ll help when you’re older.
- Remember to leave a little sparkle wherever you go; you’ll be a long time dead and you want to be rembered for being human in some capacity.